Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1999 14:27:09 -0600 (CST)

From: "Spinoza's God (Vishnu Jejjala)" <vishnu@physics.uiuc.edu>

To: mbw@uiuc.edu

Subject: Homework 1 Comments

Cc: vishnu@alecto.physics.uiuc.edu

Mike,

My comments on Homework 1 are provided below.

--Vishnu

I noticed that many of you made the same mistakes on the first

homework assignment. Instead of correcting them on each paper ad

infinitum, I have compiled a list of what you can do to improve your

writing. If you don't own a copy, I encourage you to buy Strunk and

White's _The Elements of Style_ and read it; in my own experience,

only the dictionary performs a more valuable service in developing

the craft of writing.

Points of Structure

-------------------

0. Proofread for spelling. Watch out for homophones!

1. "It's" is a contraction of "it is." "Its" is possessive.

2. Do not tediously repeat "he or she," "his or her," or, even

worse, "s/he." Either avoid the situation entirely, or choose a

gender and stick to it.

3. Make sure your verbs agree with their objects. (Pedantic note:

"data" is the plural of "datum.")

4. Clarify what "this" and "that" refer to.

5. Do not join independent clauses by a comma. Use a period, a

semicolon, or a conjunction (and, but, or, etc.) preceded by a

comma.

6. Do not break sentences in two. A sentence ought to have both a

subject and a verb.

7. Avoid misplaced modifiers. For example, look at this sentence:

"Influenced by the Church doctrine of geocentricism, Giordano Bruno

was burned at the stake by the Inquisition." The adjective phrase

should refer to the Inquisition, not Bruno.

8. Gerunds attributed to an object must be accompanied by a

possessive. Example: "Galileo observing the phases of Venus spelled

the end of the Ptolemaic system." This should be "Galileo's

observing the phases of Venus...."

9. Stick to one tense.

10. Use the active voice. Example: "Galileo was frightened by the

Inquisition and formally abjured, cursed, and detested the error and

heresy that the Sun is fixed and the Earth moves." This is passive

voice. Active voice works better: "Frightened by the Inquisition,

Galileo formally...."

11. Avoid needlessly florid prose. Every noun doesn't require an

adjective (or every verb, an adverb). I can tell when you've

employed a thesaurus.

12. Vary the sentence structure. Reading sentence after sentence

written in the same style quickly becomes tiresome.

Points of Organization

----------------------

1. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence.

2. Stay on topic throughout the paragraph. Your digressions are

rarely as insightful as you might believe.

3. Each sentence should lead naturally to the next one, and each

idea should follow naturally from the previous one.

Points of Substance

-------------------

1. Justify your assumptions. Yes, the mass of the Sun exceeds the

mass of the Earth, but how do you know this?

2. Bluster, repetition, appeals to authority, and dubious analogies

do not substitute for a concise, coherent, carefully reasoned

argument.

3. Anticipate counter-arguments and address them. What if the other

planets circled the Sun which, in turn, revolved about the Earth?

4. Recognize the limitations of the observational evidence. While

the existence of the Galilean satellites suggests the plausibilty of

the heliocentric model, it fails to prove the case.